The most wonderful love letter I've ever read

July the 14th, 1861

Washington D.C.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days-perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure-and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing-to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows-when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children-is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death-and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honor that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me-perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar-that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night-amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours-always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

Sullivan died a week later.

A letter to my Dad:

Dear Daddy,

I wish you the best on this Fathers day, and I hope you know that you are loved. I see your hard work, and the sacrifices you make to give me all the opportunities I have had so far in my life. I am eternally grateful for the love you have given Cameron, Kristin, Kayla and I. More importantly, I am so thankful for the love you have given your beautiful wife, my mother. The love you have for her transcends this earthly life. It is eternal love and it is true. There is nothing more amazing than being able to see that love. It is magnificent because it shows me who I am supposed to be, who I must look for to accompany me on life’s journey, and it shows me a glimpse of the love Heavenly Father has for me.

Everyday, when I say my prayers I begin with, "Dear Heavenly Father." Even though the image I should have in my mind is that of God, the man I see, while on bended knee is always you, my earthly dad. To me, you are the image of the Father divine, reflecting the nature of God. Your love and care and the faith you have shared, pointed me to my Father above. You are the closest thing I have to an idea of what our Heavenly Father will be like, and how he will love me. This strengthens me everyday, it helps me grow in the Gospel, and it makes my testimony strong.

I can’t even explain the amount of gratitude I feel. I can’t ever imagine giving back to you even a tiny amount of the things you have given me. I can only express in words my thanks. Thank you for the laughter. Thank you for the tears that I so rightly deserved from my belligerence. Thank you for listening. Thank you for giving me comfort. Thank you for staying worthy to give me blessings. The blessings you have given me recently have really helped me. The last few months, when I was feeling lonely and sad, I was immediately softened when you gave me that blessing. I was able to sort things through in my head with more clarity and understanding. I have felt so much joy, and I have been able to see myself for who I am, a daughter of Gary Pitt, and a daughter of our Heavenly Father.

You are the best father any girl could ask for. You make me feel like a princess. You even spoil me like a princess. I just love you so much. I love everything about you. I love every moment we have. I know that I am way too big for you to hold in your arms, and I am almost an adult, but I will always be daddy’s little girl. I will always remember every hug, every kiss, and every moment. The future is scary for me, I don’t know what is coming, but I am so glad to know that no matter what, you will always be with me, guiding me home. Guiding me home to this home we live in, and the one we are all trying to get to, our heavenly home.

Happy fathers day! I love you with all my heart.

From your loving daughter,

Caressa Ann Pitt

Things I love

Everyone has problems.

My biggest problem? Negativity. 

I can't control it. I have so many happy little moments in my life, so many precious seconds to be thankful for, but for some reason my brain overlooks them and says, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU CAN'T EVEN WHISTLE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON....

AND SOMETIMES YOU DROOL UNCONTROLLABLY..."

It's exhausting. And really stupid. I want to be joyful, always. Ecstatic, always. Blissful, always. I can't change overnight, I can't suddenly become happy, but I can start small. 

Here is a list of things I love. (IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER).

-My family. Can't live with them, can't live without. So cliche, but so true. Mom, Dad, Cameron, Kristin, Kayla. Weird, strange souls, that I love.

-Having conversations that enlighten you, and are not full of superficial fluff.

-Reading, and when done reading, analyzing. Consuming my thoughts with the characters of the book, the plot, the world they exist in. Telling people about these books, and trying to convince them to read it.

-Avatar the Last Airbender. Kid show, full of life lessons, and super cool ninja stuff. 

-Kallie Hancock. She doesn't even realize how special she is to me. She is not a best friend. She is an eternal/celestial friend. To infinity... AND BEYOND. P.s. My bird. (Only she will understand).

-Laughing out loud at really stupid things I find on the internet. When I say stupid, I mean, extremely hilarious and totally accurate.

-When I find a handsome boy that likes the same things I do, and I'm just like, (in my head of course), ASDFGHJKL SOUL MATES. LET'S GET MARRIED AND MAKE BABIES RIGHT NOW. 

-Candle light and old fashion lantern light. Nothing is more soothing to the soul than being in the dark with one little light, illuminating everything in a 10 foot radius around you. It's romantic, even if i'm just enjoying it all by myself. 

-Being obsessed with television shows, and watching every episode. Prison break, check. The Office, check. The Big Bang Theory, check. Heroes, check. Avatar the Last Airbender, check. 

-Roller coasters. I'm not much of an adrenaline junkie, but something about my heart almost bursting out of my chest, my stomach doing flip-flops, as I travel 80 plus mph, is super amazing.

-Dancing. Letting all my inhibitions fly away while I booty dance and sing, "TO THE WINDOW, TO THE WALL! TILL THE SWEAT DRIPS DOWN MYYYY....." (you can finish it on your own). I can't really explain my love for dancing. It just makes me feel so alive, and healthy and free. 

-Creating art. It's nice to know that I can make something out of nothing. The ability to create and progress is thrilling.

-Spirituality. I can feel it in my whole body. I love being connected to a higher, magnificent, loving, being. If anything, this brings me the most joy.

-Savoring chocolate. When it is stuck to the roof of your mouth and you can taste it for about a minute. The way it just melts like angelic clouds on the tip of your tongue. Best minute of my life. 

-Being able to be comfortable enough with someone that you can hang out with them and not say anything, and it isn't awkward. Just laying/sitting there, both thinking, not speaking, but feeling each others presence and energy, it's enticing. 

-Johnny Depp. Enough said.

-When I give someone a compliment, and they take it, and not try to give one back. 

-Sunsets. Just watching it slowly fall. The colors. The clouds. When it vanishes beneath the ocean. Wishing you could just grab it and eat it all up. Omnomnomnomnom.

-Laughing uncontrollably at the dumbest things. Ex. yesterday I told Kristin that I wish to fly. She then said, "Do you think flying is as hard as running." I said, "Obviously not, idiot." And then we just laughed. It was so dumb, and so perfect. I laughed so hard I popped a wisdom tooth stitch.

I think that is enough for tonight. Once I got started, it was hard to stop. It's amazing, how writing things down, really makes you think. It makes you really ponder what is most important, what you want the world to see. I might be negative, in my head, but I have a great life, I need to just change my perspective on things in my heart. I need to get my priorities straight. 

Life is good. 

P.S.

"NOOO! MY CABBAGES!"

(You'll understand if you like Avatar: the Last Airbender. Oh my gosh I'm 12 years old.)